Thoughts I Have at Work

I finally found a job and I just finished my first week of work. Confidentiality is a big part of my job, so out of respect for everyone’s privacy, in this blog post or any other, I will not be telling you where exactly I work, and any names used will be changed. I work with elementary school children after school, and things get interesting very quickly. Here are a few of the normal and not so normal thoughts I have had just in this past week.

  1. My boss wants to talk to me so naturally I forgot how to communicate with my fellow human beings.
  2. Can my boss tell that I don’t know how to sit in a chair like a normal person? I have absolutely no idea where to position my arms when I’m sitting down and it’s becoming a problem.
  3. Why do kids either scream their concerns at you, or whisper so quietly that you don’t know what they’re saying? Does the happy medium come later in life? 
  4. I can’t wait until the kids have playtime because they like to share their Legos with me.
  5. I can’t believe I’m an adult, I’m actually excited to play with Legos. 
  6. That kid just did something they aren’t supposed to do, but it was hilarious. I must keep a straight face when talking to them about their behavior. 
  7. Are my coworkers also pretending they know how to be adults? Probably.
  8. Why do all of these kids look like clones of each other? 
  9. I hope no one can tell I’m a hot mess.
  10. When do I get my paycheck? I only have six dollars.
  11. Stop singing Work by Rihanna in your head, Megan, you don’t even know the lyrics.
  12. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Wait, what? Weird time for that to pop in my head. 
  13. All of these kids have similar sounding names, it’s hard to remember them all.
  14. At what point is it okay to actually hide from the children? Probably never.
  15. Bless the child that listened to me the first time. 
  16. Why did that child think it was a good idea to tie their shoes together and walk around? Also, why does that sound exactly like something I would do?
  17. Do my dogs know I miss them when I’m not home?
  18. It’s probably not okay that the only thing getting me through the week is the thought of spending the weekend in sweatpants and eating pizza.

Those are just a few thoughts that run through my head at work. Do you have similar thoughts when you’re at work? Let me know in the comments.

As always, never stop being kind.

An Open Letter to the Broken Hearted Girl 

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I wish I could shield you from this pain, but unfortunately, heartbreak is a part of life. Nothing I say will take the pain away, only time can do that, and it seems to stand still in these moments. However, I believe I can offer you words of comfort to help you get through the pain.

It’s not your fault.

If you’re anything like me, you’re blaming yourself. Don’t. The fact that you opened yourself up, learned to trust, and saw the best in someone is beautiful. Don’t let this one person take that away from you. 

You’re not alone. I know how lonely it feels when you wake up at 2:30 in the morning, crying because your heart has been shattered. Trust me, I know it feels like you’re stranded and there’s no one around to save you. I know you feel like the world is moving, but you’re stuck in a miserable moment. I feel alone, too, but I know others are in the same boat as me. We can help each other.

It’s not fair. It’s not even remotely fair that he is sleeping soundly while you can’t stop crying in the early hours of another dreary day. It’s not fair that he can go on laughing, smiling, and enjoying his everyday life while you feel like you’ve just been punched in the stomach, and all the wind has been knocked out of you. Its not fair that he feels fine while you are trying to muffle the sound of your cries into a tear stained pillow. It’s not fair that human beings can be so cruel as to shamelessly hurt their own kind. I wish I could make things fair for you, but I can’t. 

Through all of this pain and darkness, please focus on that small beam of light. Let your family and friends make you laugh. Keep going on with your life. You’d be amazed to find out that eventually, that small beam of light consumes the darkness.

Please take care of yourself. I know you don’t have an appetite, but make sure you eat enough. Try to get some sleep, too. You’re going through enough emotional pain, you don’t need physical problems on top of that. 

Don’t feel weak for crying. Don’t get mad at yourself for trusting someone. Don’t feel bad about the way you react. Let yourself go through this pain, and come out stronger. 

I sincerely hope your heart mends quickly. I hope you don’t let your scars dictate your future. I hope you feel happy again soon.

Sincerely,

Another girl with a broken heart 

An Explanation for my Absence 

Hi, everyone. 

You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t posted much recently. Truthfully, I have been so busy. My best friend goes to college two and a half hours away from where I live, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before he left. I have also been job hunting, and dealing with some anxiety and depression issues. The really big reason I’ve been absent from WordPress, and half of the reason I’m writing this post, is because I’m chasing a dream.

It may sound silly and improbable, but I am currently writing a book. I have been wanting to do this for so long, and I finally found the courage to begin chasing this dream. There has been this idea for a book sitting with me for a while, and I can’t ignore it any longer. The idea of writing this book actually makes me excited.

You may roll you eyes at how crazy this sounds, but I encourage you all to chase your dreams. The way I think about it, the worst that can happen is I’m not successful in this scenario. I honestly have nothing to lose by trying. I often wonder how upsetting it would be if my favorite book, song, or movie was never written out of fear of failure. Maybe this book will be successful, maybe it won’t go anywhere, but at least I won’t have to live with the “what if?” 

Keep dreaming, and be kind always. 

Love

Lately, I feel like the world is full of hate. I’m sure if any of you watch the news at least five minutes a day, you know what I mean. In desperate moments like this, I like to look for love around me. Recently, I went to an arts and crafts festival, and I was pleasantly surprised by the love surrounding me. 

Love is when parents protect and stand up for their child, even if their child is an adult.

Love is when you laugh with your best friend.

Love is when someone offers you a bottle of water when you’re too hot. 

Love is when two people hold hands just to be close.

Love is when your dog crawls in your lap when its sleepy.

Love is when a toddler picks a weed, and gives it to you because they think it’s a beautiful flower.

Love is when someone asks you how you’ve been, and listens when you tell them.

Love is playful arguments.

Love is all around. All you have to do is look.

Love and be kind always.

Just Because I’m a Woman 

I am so glad that I am lucky enough to live in a country where women have rights. Feminism has come a long way, but we still have more to accomplish. We live in a world where women are subtly told they are inferior to men.

Maybe this all has to do with the first female presidential candidate being elected, but I have noticed more and more sexist remarks being made every day. 

Recently, I bought a Spider-Man tshirt from the men’s section, and let me tell you, all hell broke loose. I was criticized for being into sci fi and shopping in the men’s department. I can’t believe I actually have to justify my actions for buying a tshirt, but here I am. I bought the shirt in the men’s section for a few different reasons. 

  1. The women’s section didn’t have anything sci fi related.
  2. The men’s section is cheaper.
  3. The material used in men’s shirts is far more durable than women’s clothing.

After buying this shirt, I was told no guy would want to go on a date with a “non girly girl.” 

I’m going to let you take a break for that well needed eye roll.

Back to the story. Not only was I told that I should prioritize guys’ opinions over my own, but all men were generalized in the process. 

Within this past week, I was also told by an older relative that I better learn to cook and clean properly so my future husband will stay with me. Apparently, I’m going to be getting married in the 1950’s. 

Now, I don’t want you to think this post is all about how sexist comments are “offensive.” The problem runs so much deeper than that. 

The problem is that women are still viewed as objects. As long as women are viewed as objects, their basic human rights are reduced. Instead of women getting justice when raped, they are asked what they were wearing, and told that it’s a compliment. Instead of making a fair amount of money for their work, there are still women that are being paid less than men  for the same exact work performed. Instead of being allowed to celebrate their bodies, women are shamed (and taxed) for natural occurring processes, aka, the pink tax. 

The problem has never been about sexist comments, it is about equality and deserving basic human rights. 

Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean I can’t be myself. Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean I am any less of a human than a man.

Be kind always.

A Letter to Myself a Year Ago 

Megan,

Oh, my sweet girl, how your whole world is about to turn upside down. It’s a good thing you’re a fighter. There are just a few things I want to tell you, and some advice I’d like to give.

The first thing I’d like you to know is that you are in deep denial about your depression. You know deep down something is wrong, get help now. Also, be patient with yourself. It’s not your fault that you have depression, and it won’t fix itself over night. Hang in there.

A missed opportunity is not the end of the world. You’re allowed to prioritize your mental health. There is no mandatory time you have to accomplish a goal. 

You get another chance to make things right with that person. In fact, give it a few months, and you two are like best friends again. 

Little by little, you start to see the bright side again. I’m not completely okay yet, but I’m getting there. That’s because you fought even though you didn’t want to. All that fighting is paying off, I promise.

Believe it or not, there are moments to come when you are genuinely happy. Just a heads up, you’re going to want to stick around for Christmas, The Fourth of July, and even National Ice Cream Day. Believe me, those are going to be great days. You even find joy in small everyday things again. 

Your recovery will be a roller coaster. Like I said, we’re still recovering, and I know there will still be downs in the future, but I know we won’t stay down forever.

That’s all for now. Take care of yourself. 

Sincerely,

You, a year later

Adventure 

Growing up, I always wanted to travel. I still do, but I’m learning that travel is not synonymous with adventure. Adventure is the making of memories.

Adventure is:

  • Laughing in the car with your family on the way to the grocery store.
  • Dancing with your friends, and laughing when you mess up.
  • Taking a walk with your best friend by the lake.
  • Holding that person’s hand in silence.
  • Binge watching your favorite show on Netflix with your sibling.
  • Kissing someone and feeling butterflies.
  • Talking to one of your favorite people all night long.
  • Reading in a thunderstorm.
  • Doing something you can’t even stand, but being alright with it because you have great company.

I could go on and on about what I consider to be adventures. My point is, adventure can be found in the simplest form. If you’re happy, I consider it an adventure.

Make memories, and be kind always.