I haven’t posted in a while because I have been so busy. I’m not going to lie to you, things aren’t easy for me right now. It’s nothing I can’t handle, but writing always makes me feel better. I’m using this blog post as a way to freely get things off of my mind. I’m not going to organize my thoughts, I’m just going to write and keep things genuine.
If you can relate to any of what I am about to write, I hope you will find comfort knowing that you are not alone.
I am so damn tired.
I am tired of feeling inadequate, under appreciated, and unimportant.
I’ve never had a best friend. Plenty of friends, sure, but no one I can call my best friend. I have never had somebody to share two halves of a heart shaped necklace that say ‘best friends’ when put together. I’ve never stayed up spilling secrets with my best friend, because they have never existed. I’ve never been so close to someone that I considered their family to be my second family. It just doesn’t happen.
I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid, but never the maid of honor. As honored as I am to be considered a big part of a wedding, I wonder how it would feel to be so important to someone that they want to give me a different title completely. Nobody ever thinks of me and considers me their number one person. I’m painfully used to it.
I’m tired of being every guy’s second choice. I hate being the girl they talk to while they’re bored, but then commit when they find somebody better. I hate hearing “Liking her doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you.” That heart wrenching pain that occurs when a guy tells you it won’t work because of someone else is becoming all too familiar to me. It’s tear jerking and soul draining.
I’m tired of fading into the background and being forgotten about.
I’m scared that I will never be able to truly connect with people.
I’m always the second choice. The one that is invisible until someone needs something from me.
I’m tired of feeling lonely.
I’m sorry this was such a negative post, but it was too heavy for me to carry around by myself.
I know I probably come off as nothing but a jealous girl, and it’s true to an extent. I get jealous when I see someone who connects to people effortlessly, but I don’t wish for them not to have that. I just want it, too. I would prefer to say I’m more lonely than jealous, though.
If you are feeling this way, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you aren’t experiencing this alone.